Spring Reflections

I have always loved Spring, and I always considered Spring to be my favorite season. Even so, this has been the first year that I feel I have truly participated in Spring.

Fall - The oishii season
Fall – The oishii season

In the last year of my grandmother’s life, she taught me about the Fall. I learned about the harvest, and I participated in the abundance of Fall. I now think of Fall as the oishii season. (Oishii is the Japanese word that roughly corresponds to delicious in English. For more information, you can read an article written by a dear friend of mine here).

My grandmother passed right before Winter, and I think I learned a lot about Winter that year. Last year, I was not able to even think about the garden until around this time. There were perennials left by my grandmother, and my aunt planted some peppers and tomatoes. Except for a failed attempt with a potato that had started to grow in my kitchen, I did not plant anything.

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Baby Popcorn

This year, I decided to plant my own garden. I thought about what I enjoyed eating, and I decided to try growing some popcorn. I did a test with my favorite brand of popcorn, which I think is Jolly-time from Walmart. To my delight, the popcorn seeds grew. I planted some tomato seeds, lettuce, radishes and carrots. I was given some baby cabbages by a friend.

My Swedish cousins came for a visit, and they pruned the raspberry and blackberry bushes, as well as the apple trees. They also decided that I need potatoes, so they planted some.

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Baby Apple Tree

There was a baby apple tree that my grandmother was nurturing in obscurity in the strawberry plants by the garage. Last year, I had to rescue it from the grapevine nearby that tried to strangle it. (Who knew that plants could be so violent?) The apple tree could not be allowed to continue growing there for another year, so with the help of a dear, sweet neighbor, I transplanted it to a place where it could grow freely.

Before this year, I always thought Spring was simple. New life, new birth, a new start that would come into fullness in the Fall. What I never understood was how many mini life and death cycles occur during Spring.

The crocuses, tulips, and daffodils all bloomed and died in turn.

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The apple tree blossomed beautifully for about a week or so. Then the blossoms fell and tiny apples began to grow in their place.

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A veritable marching band of irises bloomed brilliantly, and then they too passed on, leaving the chore of cleaning the dead blossoms in their wake.

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I also learned just how much of a fresh start Spring really is. The mistakes of the previous year are long passed, although, there may still be a bit of cleaning that needs to be done before new things can grow. Decisions about what to grow are re-made. Even perennials may be dug up and discarded. I have enough dried tarragon from the previous year than I will ever use, so I decided to dig up the tarragon left by my grandmother, and plant lavender instead. The rhubarbs were being smothered by violets and strawberries, and I lost the first harvest from it. I freed the rhubarb from them, and now it is growing well.

I also learned about many hidden blessings. For example, I have suffered from Spring allergies since I was about 16. It turns out that violets have medicinal properties, one of which is remedying Spring allergies. I started making what I have been calling “fairy tea,” using violet leaves, raspberry leaves, and whatever else I happen to harvest from my garden that day, such as rose petals, chamomile leaves, and peppermint. I have had the least trouble with Spring allergies than I have had since I was a teenager, and I think that it is thanks to my fairy tea.

In previous years, I have always felt a little sad at the end of Spring, heading into the Summer. I do not this year. I am a bit tired now, and I am ready to settle into Summer.

My garden is growing.

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I have added some beauty and some magic to it.

Maria-sama’s Garden
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Fairy Garden

Now, I can relax and enjoy some of the fruits of my labors.

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First raspberry harvest

Long Live the Rose

In the last year of my grandmother’s life, she planted a rose.

Mormor's RoseThere was a pole in front of the house that we shared with her. Apparently, the pole was for a gas light, which had long ceased to be functional. My grandmother thought that the pole was ugly, but getting rid of it would be an expensive and dangerous process if it was even possible at all.

So, my grandmother dealt with this in the way she dealt with most things. She decided to plant a rose to wind around and cover the pole.

By her ninetieth birthday in October, it had grown to quite an impressive and magnificent rose, and it did indeed cover the ugly pole.

The rose bloomed until the day that my grandmother passed, which was the same day as the first snow of that year.

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The next Spring, the rose bloomed again, but I think that I did not know what to do with it. My grandmother also left behind a wonderful garden, but all I could do was to make a feeble attempt to tend to the perennials. I completely lost the battle with the weeds.

2016-03-28 10.51.58This Spring, I am not sure why or how, but I seem to have found the energy and the inspiration to start my own garden. I bought seeds for the vegetables and herbs I liked and cooked with. I never had any talent or inclination for gardening in the past. I was never even able to keep houseplants alive. Indeed, once my spouse and I had a cactus that lived for years until I took an interest in it, and it died shortly after.

Despite my newly found interest, the rose did not come back to life this Spring. I am guessing that I did not prune it well enough or did something else wrong. I tried everything to bring it back to life, including giving it banana peels, which was my grandmother’s method of feeding her roses.

My Swedish relatives came for a visit a few weeks ago. In consulting with a family relationship chart, it seems that they are my first cousins, once removed…by blood and by marriage. Or I could use my spouse’s grandmother’s rule. “We do not remove any of our cousins, we keep them all,” and just say that they are my cousins.

In any case, the rest of my family came for a gathering as well, and during the gathering both my Swedish cousins and my uncle declared that the rose was past hope.

We had a bonfire at this family gathering, and I cut down and burned the remains of the rose in the bonfire. It seemed fitting to do this when the family was gathered.

The next day, my Swedish cousins brought me to the store and they purchased a new rose. They also helped me to plant it around the pole.

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The rose was then christened Ulla’s rose. Ulla was the name of my grandmother, as well as the name of one of the Swedish cousins who bought and helped plant the rose. Cousin Ulla then told us about a Swedish tradition concerning the passing of a King. Everyone would declare, “the King has died, long live the King.” In that spirit she declared, “the Rose has died, long live the Rose.”

Returning to Life

It is Spring again. The Filianic and astrological new year has begun. This year began with a Lunar Eclipse, which on a personal level feels a bit appropriate. My usual joy at the beginning of Spring is dampened by the sadness of the passing of my grandmother last fall.

I think one of the difficult things about life in the modern West is that we have lost the notion of mourning periods. There was a time when there was a proper amount of time to be “in mourning,” and rituals for coming out of mourning, with periods of “half mourning” and “light mourning.” When reading modern wisdom about grieving, we are told that it is individual and different for every person and every relationship.  Yet, I think that mourning is not really the same thing as grieving. I think that mourning is the pause we take in our lives out of respect for the person who has passed, and the ending of mourning is when it is right to “come back to life.”

With that in mind, with no modern conventions to fall back on, I decided that Winter would be my period of “mourning” and that I would try to “come back to life” in the Spring. I am still quite sad, particularly as my grandmother loved Spring, but I will always be sad from time to time. My grandmother was an important person in my life. It is funny, because she never really taught me (or her own children) much. She tried, but she had no patience. She would hastily explain things, and if you did not get it the first time, she would give up with a disgusted “Ach!” and take what you were doing and do it herself. Yet, despite this, I learned so much from her. There is very little that I do that I do not still hear her voice telling me stories or giving wise counsel.

Even now, in my front yard, I see a lesson that she left.

Spring RoseFor the past several years, Mormor (“grandmother” in Swedish) and I lived in the same two flat, which was owned by my aunt. In the front of the house, there was a lamp post, which used to be a working gas lamp. Mormor thought it was ugly. She researched, and she found that it would be costly and perhaps dangerous to remove it, so she devised a way to make it beautiful. Last spring, she planted roses around it with the plan that they would climb and cover the post.

Throughout the Summer, she carefully tended the roses, and she made sure that they did not stray too far away from the post. This was an interesting lesson in itself. It seems in order for roses to climb, they have to be held close to their source.

By the time that Autumn came, the roses had covered the post and bloomed gloriously for Mormor’s ninetieth birthday.

Mormor's Rose

Mormor passed a little over a month after that, right before the first snowfall.

The roses bloomed until that very day. They became covered with snow, and they left an almost magical image, as the petals could be seen on the snow.

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Yet, time passes, and now it is Spring. As if the roses were left to teach another lesson, they are starting to grow back again.

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I guess it is time to come back to life, as well as to honor and care for what Mormor planted and left behind.

Autumn Blessings

I have a confession to make. Autumn has always been my least favorite season. I know that all seasons have their own beauty, but I have always had some trouble appreciating Autumn. I have never been all that fond of Winter either, but in Autumn, the days get colder and darker and the coming season is Winter. Even through the cold of Winter, the days are at least getting longer and brighter, and Spring is on its way. I often start to feel a little sad as Summer winds down and by November, I am often battling deepening depression.

Yet, this year, for the first time, I experienced one of the main blessings of the Autumn season…the Harvest.

I hope that the reader will indulge me a little in boasting about my grandmother. My grandmother has always been an amazing gardener. She is going to be ninety this fall, and she loves to garden. Even when she lived in the North Side of Chicago, she managed a substantial vegetable garden in a tiny backyard.

To be honest, I never had all that much interest in gardening. I have never even been able to keep houseplants alive. It may be because now we live in the same building as my grandmother, so I see the garden every day. It may be that reading the Little House on the Prairie series in Japanese inspired me. By the way, I have just finished 大草原の小さな家, “Daisougen no chiisana ie,” “Little House on the Prairie,” and I have just started プラム川の土手で, “Puramu kawa no dote de,” “On the Banks of Plum Creek.”  I also recently read Farmer Boy in English. In any case, whatever the reason, this year I participated in the Harvest for the first time.

Fall - The oishii season
Fall – The oishii season

I learned how to make tomato sauce, barbeque sauce, apple sauce, and apple butter. I learned how to blanch and freeze fruits and vegetables for the winter. I baked several rhubarb, raspberry, and apple deserts. It was quite a busy time.

The abundance of food turned out to be quite the blessing. This October, we celebrated my grandmother’s 90th birthday, and relatives from Sweden came to stay with us to celebrate. My mother also came in from California and stayed with us for about a month. The abundance of food was really useful in feeding all of the extra people.

Today, I started feeling my usual Autumn depression. I felt sad as I raked the leaves and watched the sun go down before it was even 5 o’clock. Yet, then I went back inside, and I cooked taco salad using the last of the green peppers and tomatoes that my grandmother had dried over the summer. Now I am making apple sauce using the remaining apples that were stored in the refrigerator.

The garden is now gone. Our full freezer has emptied out. We still have green beans, green pepper, sliced apples and rhubarb in the freezer though, as well as a couple of containers of apple butter. We also have dried herbs and tomatoes that were carefully preserved by my grandmother.

I still feel a little sad, but I am also feeling intense gratitude to Our Mother, who provides for us every year. It was a good Autumn, I think.

Finished!

I finished reading my first novel in Japanese yesterday! I am quite excited about it. Last November, I wrote about receiving a Japanese translation of Little House in the Big Woods. Yesterday morning, I had two pages to go before the last chapter. I read the those pages and went on to finish the last chapter! The last chapter was rather short, but I think it was the most I have read so far in one sitting in Japanese!

SAMSUNGWhile reading, I made the decision not to stop and look up new words, but to highlight them to look up later. I know that there are some that cringe at the idea of marking up a book, but I think that this book felt big and important to be studied so diligently. After I finish looking up the words, I intend to go back and use this book for reading aloud.

This series is my spouse’s favorite childhood series, and she knows it almost by heart. This has been quite helpful in that I have been able to check my comprehension by telling her what I thought happened. The only trouble has been that at times, she has gotten so excited that she has told me what will be coming up before I have stopped her.

In celebration of my completion, my spouse and I played with the paper dolls she bought me a while ago, when she visited the Laura Ingalls Wilder home and museum in Missouri on the way to visit her mother and brother. Then we went out for lunch.

Today, I started the next book in the series, 大草原の小さな家, Little House on the Prairie, which my spouse gave me for my birthday this year. This one is a different translation using the older Helen Sewell illustrations. Hopefully, my Japanese has improved enough that I will be able to get through this one a little faster, although it does look a little harder than the first book. It is exciting, though.

 

Making Space for Nativity

This year, Nativity was quite a hectic time for me.  For the first year, I was the hostess for the family Christmas Eve smörgåsbord.  It was a small gathering, but even so, a great deal of preparation was required.  The house had to be cleaned and decorated, and I was responsible for the meatballs.  In our family, the meatballs are quite important; my grandmother would often make the meatballs weeks in advance, and freeze them until just before Christmas Eve.  This year was the first year that I have been allowed to make the meatballs, which was quite an honor.

SAMSUNGLearning from my grandmother, I made the meatballs a couple of weeks in advance, and I made a test batch for my grandmother to taste before committing the rest of the mix to little balls.  I was quite pleased when I received her approval after the first try.

When the day came, the gathering went well, I thought.  It was rather interesting really.  While I prepared the house and the meatballs, most of the food came from other people.  My grandmother made the glögg (a hot, sweet, spiced alcoholic beverage).  My aunt brought the potato sausage and the prinskorv (which, since childhood, I always called “little hot dogs”).  My spouse went grocery shopping and bought lots of vegetables, a small smoked ham, pie, and various cookies and sweets.  My spouse’s coworker came and brought the rotmos (a Swedish version of mashed rutabaga).  I prepared the house and the meatballs, and the rest of the bounty just arrived!  That seemed quite symbolic of Nativity to me.

All of this made me think of the meaning and importance of Nativity.  I no longer consider myself a Christian, but Christmas/Nativity has a much deeper and older meaning than the Christian narrative.  The Mother God Chapel recently published two important articles that explain the older and deeper meaning of Nativity which can be found here and here.  In summary, the material world falls further away from the Light and would fall into complete Darkness, but the Light intervenes, and Light returns and is renewed.  This theme is found in the Christian narrative, but the theme is Universal and thus larger and deeper than the narrative of any human religion.

In thinking about the meaning of Nativity, I have also been reflecting on the Advent preparations.  These preparations involve rearranging one’s schedule, one’s finances, and one’s home to make room for Nativity to happen.  One buys and/or makes gifts for friends and family.  The preparations take time, making Advent a rather busy season, and often one must rearrange one’s daily activities to accommodate the extra chores and tasks.  If one puts up a Nativity Tree, furniture must be moved.  Regular household decorations must be put aside to make room for the Nativity decorations.  It seems to me that these preparations are all symbolic of making space for Nativity to happen.

Yet, when we make space for Nativity to happen, a bounty often arrives, I think…or at least it did for me this year.

Slowing Down

Last week, a new book came in the mail.  My spouse had purchased it for me as a gift.  The book was 大きな森の小さな家, or the Japanese translation of Little House in the Big Woods, by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  This happens to be one of her favorite childhood books, and she has been reading the series again.  It was quite exciting really.  The Japanese company that sold it also sent along a little card, saying ありがとう (Thank you), stickers, and a little origami star.  I thought that was so very sweet and wonderful.

???????????????????It seemed like a good place to start my Japanese novel reading.  The thought of rediscovering reading again is quite exciting.  Although, it may seem strange reading a translation of an American novel as a starting point, but it feels “right” somehow.  Strangely enough, I do not know if I actually have read this book before, and if I have, I do not remember it.  It seems like something that I *should* read, and I am really focusing Japanese, with little time leftover to read fiction in English.  This book is a bit beyond my Japanese level; however, it is possible if I work hard, I think.

On the practical side, my spouse has already been helpful in checking whether I am comprehending what I am reading.  She has read this books so many times, she almost has it memorized.  It seems safer to ask her (and let her quiz me) then to check the English version myself.

It is exciting, but it is very slow, and I think it will likely take a long time (I have only gotten through a few pages, highlighting the many, many words I do not know).  This is interesting because my spouse has talked about being able to read these books in an afternoon (in English, of course).    My spouse and I have lots and lots of books, and I am used to being able to consume books very quickly.  Yet, if I am to have any hope of anything beyond a vague comprehension of this book, I will have to savor this book and spend a lot of time with it.

All of this has made me realize how much learning a new language has made me slow down.  As a part of my studies, I have been watching a great deal of Anime.  Yet, I am watching it is a much different way than I have watched anything in the past.  I have several series of Anime going right now, yet I am taking each one rather slowly, watching each episode between two and four times, in different ways.  There was a time I could watch an entire series in a few weeks, but now for each series, I am not even really managing an episode a week.

I think I am grateful for this slowing down.  I am finding I am appreciating everything so much more that I am unable to rush through it.  I find myself thinking about the other books in this series, and realizing, well, it will be quite some time before I get to them.  The one I have will keep me busy for the foreseeable future.  Then I find myself treasuring my new book and carrying it around with me, even when I am not reading it.  I am excited to be making friends with book all over again!

Why Japanese?

For many months now, I have been deeply immersed in the study of Japanese.  Indeed, I probably spend at minimum of 3 to 4 hours a day actively studying and at least another 3 or 4 hours with Japanese media in the background while I do other tasks.

I have to admit to feeling a little awkward when people ask me what I have been doing lately.  I explain that I have been deeply engaged in the study of Japanese.  I often get asked the questions, “Why Japanese?” and “What are you going to DO with it?”

Those questions are a bit tricky to answer as at the moment, I am not really sure of THE reason for Japanese, if in fact, THE reason exists.  I seem to have been led in this direction, and I have learned from long experience that the Fairies often give us information on a “need to know” basis.  Still, they are trustworthy, and it is generally best to follow where they lead.

That being said, there seem to be lots of reasons, and more and more reasons become manifest every day.  It occurred to me that some of the reasons are deeply intertwined with the journey that this blog has been documenting.

Language is far more fundamental to our being than many of us realize.  Not only is language a means of communication, but it shapes they way we think and look at the world.  Many English speakers, especially English speakers in the U.S., never learn another language.  Most people take one or two years of another language in high school and/or college, but that is not the same thing as actually learning a language.  I took two years of French in high school, but I really do not remember anything from it.  In order to truly learn a language, one must really embrace it, and I think that embracing a new language really changes a person on a fundamental soul level.

I have noticed many changes in myself over the past several months.  It is hard to really describe the changes, but I think that overall, Japanese has softened me.  I have noticed that I feel gentler and more quiet inside.  While I my Japanese is not yet at the level that I can think in Japanese, or at least not for very long, it has stilled my inner monologue considerably.  Even in English, I have noticed that my voice has become softer, and I feel less pressured in social situations.  I have also felt safer when out and about, as if Japanese has formed a protective shield around me.

vlcsnap-2014-09-06-01h18m25s84On this blog, I have written many articles about the Image Sphere.  As part of my studies, I have been consuming a great deal of media in Japanese.  As the reader may know, I had already been watching Anime with English subtitles, but watching them in Japanese (even at my level of Japanese) is a much different experience.  Even in English, the shows were gentler and cleaner than anything I have seen in Western media, particularly recent Western media.  Yet, watching them in Japanese makes even the English translations seem course.  (Cure Dolly wrote an article about the difficulty of translation between Japanese and English that can be found here).

Are any of these things THE reason for studying Japanese?  I do not know.  Yet, I do think that they are very good reasons.  What I am going to DO with Japanese?  I do not know that either.  What am I doing with Japanese now?  I am learning and letting my soul be reshaped by this language.

HabitRPG: My New Favorite Task Management Application

Oh dear, it has been a while since I have written.  I have been deeply immersed in my Japanese studies lately, which has not left a lot of time for keeping up with my blog articles.  Time management has always been a bit of a difficulty for me, as I have discussed in previous articles, such as Where Did the Time Go and Developing a Routine.

I have found that I really do need the assistance of a computer program or app to help me keep track of my tasks, even rather basic ones.  I am terribly forgetful, I am afraid, and I would be a complete disorganized mess without some sort of computerized task list.  Even with a computerized task list, I can be a disorganized mess, but I think I would be worse without one!

I have been on the search for the perfect task management program or application since my very first Handspring Visor became obsolete.  (Handspring was a competitor of Palm, which is also quite obsolete now).  When I had my business, I did use Microsoft Outlook, which worked well for a time.  Once I got a smartphone, it became more difficult and complicated to keep the smartphone synched properly with Microsoft Outlook.  I was able to manage the calendar through Google, but the tasklist was a bit of a mess.  That does seem to be the way of things, doesn’t it?  I still have not found a word processing program that works nearly as well as WordPerfect 5.1 did.

I have been using Toodledo recently, which is a very nice application, and syncs well with all of my devices.  A few weeks ago, a dear friend casually mentioned HabitRPG, and it seemed intriguing, so I investigated.  The premise of the application is to treat a person’s daily routine as a role playing game, complete with a class system, experience points, gold, and equipment to buy.  It is quite fun, and I have found it quite motivating!

Aside from being motivating and fun, HabitRPG has been working well for me as a task management application in its own right.  I find the visual layout clean and attractive, and it works really well for daily tasks.  One of the difficulties with daily tasks on a regular task management program, is that if there are days one can not get to ones tasks, they start to become overdue, and really creates a bit of a visual mess, which makes it difficult for me to get back on track.  HabitRPG unchecks one’s daily tasks at the end of the day, with consequences in terms of Heath Point loss for the ones that are not complete.  If one is unable to do her daily tasks because of illness, vacation, or any other reason, she can check herself into the Inn, which freezes all the daily tasks as is, with no consequences.  The nice thing about that (at least for me), is that when one checks out of the Inn, all of her tasks are there, still visually clean and neat…without messy overdue dates!

There is are social options, such as a party and guild system, which is another really nice feature.  Sadly, it is quite limited with respect to managing monthly and weekly tasks, so I still need to continue to use Toodledo for those.  I do have coordinating HabitRPG with Toodledo as a daily on HabitRPG though…which ends up being an nice rather easy daily to obtain experience and gold!